Power Lunching 101, a high-stakes test of humanityBy Lisa Earle McLeodA red cup placed at the head of your table means no talking; a green cup means polite conversation with your immediate neighbor. Such are the rules of elementary school lunches where discipline is the goal and lunchroom monitors have the power to take away your socializing privileges for the slightest infraction. Times have changed, and in an era where testing reigns supreme, lunchroom conduct is evaluated on a daily basis. Getting milk to squirt out of your nose may still elicit a big hoo-haw from your friends, but you’re also going to get a check in your folder and your class will be put on Red Cup faster than you can say “social outcast.” I understand the school’s need for crowd control. Getting 1,000 kids fed and in and out of a lunchroom in under two hours is a mission that would have challenged Gen. Patton. Most of the educators I know are incredibly committed to the cause. Despite being lorded over by folks who never set foot in a classroom, they continue to do the best they can with what they’ve got. The real issue isn’t teachers or individual school systems, they’re just operating within the parameters they’ve been given; the bigger question is — what do we really want our kids to learn? The three R’s is an easy answer. Teach them to read, tell them to write, assign lots of math problems and test them at every step along the way to make sure they’re getting it. Hold teachers accountable based on the results and eventually our kids will rule the world. But how many CEOs, world leaders or acclaimed humanitarians achieved success because of their high SAT scores? The people who do really well in life are the ones who know how to connect with others. The engineers who make partner are the ones who work well with clients, the scientists who run the departments are the ones with good management skills, and the hairdressers who make the big bucks are the ones who listen and provide witty repartee along with well-placed highlights to cover your gray. Excellent technical skill take you to the middle, influencing others is what takes you to the top. Dr. Rebecca Parker, the noted Unitarian Universalist and president of Star King School for the Ministry, suggests a true education “allows the time and space for the student’s mind to unfold.” I don’t know about you, but I didn’t figure out what I was good at until my mid 30s. Hour after hour spent writing “I will not talk at lunch” on the blackboard appears to have done me no good whatsoever, but conversing with my friends and exposure to new ideas ignited my mind in a way that rigid discipline and memorization never could. Good teachers don’t try to mold, they help with the unfold. And interpersonal skills are a huge part of the equation. My children have been blessed with several truly gifted teachers who taught the subject matter required and helped the students develop their social skills at the same time. They didn’t leave any kids behind because they created classroom communities that worked together to move everybody ahead. That relaxed, back-and-forth communication can’t happen when kids have their heads bent over a high-stakes bubble test. Shoving endless academic knowledge and skills down our kids’ throats may bump up their spots on the bell curve, but they’re not going to be any happier or more successful unless they learn how to manage their personal lives. An inability to do fractions can’t suck the life out of you the way bad relationships and lack of social support can. And the Corporate Corridor of Cubicles is littered with the bodies of junior executives who failed Power Lunching 101. So put down your pencils, look up from your books and yack away. You’re on green cup, kids, and this will be on the test. Lisa Earle McLeod is a syndicated columnist, a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect™: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” (Penguin/Putnam) She has been featured in Real Simple, Essence, and The New York Times and seen on Good Morning America, Lifetime and FOX. Contact Lisa at www.ForgetPerfect.com. Editors: If you’d like to run Forget Perfect™ in your paper contact Lisa@ForgetPerfect.com. Column must include byline and photo. 
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