Outing the poison personBy Lisa Earle McLeod Is your husband’s boss ruining your marriage? It’s amazing how the actions of negative people can seep into the lives of so many innocent people. Their prickly tentacles insert themselves into your dinner conversations and your pillow talk. And their negative energy is often so powerful that they can ruin a relationship they’re not even in. A spouse’s boss is always a significant third wheel in any marriage, but sometimes someone as seemingly benign as a whiny room mom or a nosy neighbor can wreak havoc on your entire home. I once spent an entire two-year period so annoyed at my boss’s secretary that I would call my husband at work just to complain about her. She wasn’t overtly malicious, but she was rude and she was negative. Every single person in our office disliked dealing with her. We tried complaining, but she was there to stay and her negativity seeped into every aspect of our lives. Twenty-two people went home every night annoyed at the office witch. In hindsight, I’m sure she had her own problems. I doubt she meant to make our lives miserable, but that one woman had a poisonous effect on 22 families. In most cases, our spouses and friends had never even met her, yet they had to hear about her every night. I often wonder if negative people even realize just how awful they actually are. Or if the rest of us fully fathom how much their bad karma affects us. Most of the energy suckers I know fall into one of three categories: Nitpickers: This kind can look at a fabulous presentation and wonder why the blue background is two shades off from matching the corporate carpet. My husband once had a boss who spent hours beating people over the head with endless debates over font sizes (and no, he wasn’t a magazine editor, their company sold light fixtures). Slinky Subversives: They keep quiet during the meeting but their acid tongues start flapping the second they get anyone alone. Manipulative and deceitful, they love to criticize in private and fill new people in on all the office “history.” But they never speak up publicly because then they would have to take some responsibility for fixing things. And then there’s - Eeyores: Their MO is heavy sighs, beleaguered looks and complaints from seven years ago that they keep repeating in the hopes that someone will finally listen to their tales of woe. I’m not sure if they want pity or they literally don’t know another way to be, but whatever the case, being around them is like Chinese water torture. You’re dying, but it’s one slow drip at a time. Too bad you can’t banish all the naysayers to their own island. (Although the thought of a bunch of complainers stranded at sea with no one but their own kind to annoy is mighty appealing.) But if you’re a boss, never underestimate the power of one person’s negativity to erode the foundation of your entire organization. You may have the most fabulous graphic designer on the planet, but if all your employees loath to do projects with her, she’s sucking the life-blood of your company into her cubicle of darkness. And as a former church president, I’ve learned the hard way that negative people are the kiss of death for a volunteer organization. And if you’ve read this whole column and you’re ruminating about all the negative situations you find yourself in, but you can’t quite put your finger on who’s spreading the bad vibes, consider the possibility that it might be you. So put a lid on it. Your company, your country and my husband thank you.Copyright © 2006 by Lisa Earle McLeod. All Rights reserved. Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” She has been seen on “Good Morning America” and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times. Contact her at www.ForgetPerfect.com. EDITOR:
|
