Thou shalt not think for thy selfBy Lisa Earle McLeod Would you rather be told what to do or what not to do? If you’re like most of us, you probably don’t respond well to criticism and negative reinforcement. Ask me to go dig a hole and I might do it. But endlessly harping on me to quit being so lazy doesn’t exactly inspire me to get off the couch. It’s a proven truth that people respond better to a vision of how they could be than to directives on how they shouldn’t. Good parents know they’re better off nicely telling a 2-year-old, “Color on the paper, Suzie,” than screaming at her, “Keep those markers of my clean wall!” And successful business leaders understand that barking at employees to “quit acting like no-talent losers” doesn’t have the same motivational effect as describing the potential payoffs for great performance. Yet despite obvious evidence of this universal human truth, many religions have historically taken a “though shalt not” approach to spirituality. It’s easy to see why they might make that mistake. After all, directives like “thou shalt not kill” and “thou shalt not steal” are pretty good advice no matter what your faith. But living your life in the land of “not” doesn’t provide people with a template for a positive contribution, much less the motivation or inspiration to grow. As every good teacher knows, if all you do is recite the rules every day, your class won’t learn a bloody thing. What would happen if religious leaders shifted from externally mandated commandments to teaching internally embraced commitments? In his new book, “The Ten Commitments” (Health Communications 2006), author David Simon does exactly that. He takes each of the traditional Ten Commandments and suggests a replacement “personal commitment.” “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” becomes “I commit to truth.” “Thou shalt not commit adultery” translates into “I commit to love.” The difference between a commandment and a commitment model is both subtle and staggering as the same time. It’s about externally driven rules versus an internalized spiritual model. In commandment mentality, as long as I don’t take the witness stand and tell lies about my fellow suburbanites, I’m OK. But a commitment to truth requires a lot more action on my part. And I’m going to have to be just as truthful with my neighbors across the globe as I am that annoying McKenzie family down the street. Additionally, anyone who’s been married for any length of time will tell you that a true commitment to love is a lot more work than just agreeing not to fool around. Dr. Simon, medical director and co-founder of the Chopra Center for Well Being, suggests, “The thou shalt not model doesn’t get people to experience their own sacred nature.” Dr. Simon’s Ten Commitment model (found at www.Chopra.com) is so elegantly simple and profoundly true, I’m surprised no one thought of it before now. But then again, entrusting the rabble to make their own decisions isn’t exactly something religious leaders have been clamoring for. It’s tempting to want to enforce spiritual rules on others, but external mandates about what not to do don’t ignite the human spirit any more than they can get a 7-year-old to quit fidgeting. And frankly, the people arguing to put the Ten Commandments on the courthouse wall don’t look all that peaceful and happy to me. In a “thou shalt not” environment, all the creative energy that might be naturally directed towards doing something fabulous has nowhere to go. So, it manifests itself into a overzealous mission to make everybody else behave. But sooner or later, the natives always revolt, and we’re seeing more signs of it every day. Humanity is getting tired of being treated like a child, and, fortunately, we’re also getting tired of acting like one. Commandments chiseled into stone may keep you out of hell, but commitments etched your heart are the only way to create heaven on earth. Copyright © 2006 by Lisa Earle McLeod. All Rights reserved. Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” She has been seen on “Good Morning America” and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times. Contact her at www.ForgetPerfect.com. You have permission to publish this article in its entirety electronically, in print, in your ebook, or on your web site, free of charge as long as no changes to the content are made and you include my byline, copyright, and resource box. Please notify me of publication by sending an email with a copy of your publication to: mailto:press@forgetperfect.com
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