Wives: Inspiration or Enforcement Officer?By Lisa Earle McLeod Medical science and country music songs agree — The love of a good woman does in fact make him a better man. Science has long proven that married men are healthier, they live longer and they make more money. And the “she makes me want to be a better man” theme has been a staple of Nashville gold long before Johhny Cash sang “because you’re mine, I walk the line.” But while a woman may make a man want to be better and medical science may prove that she actually does, how many men enthusiastically participate in their improvement process? My own dear husband has been attending the “Lisa McLeod School of Personal Development” for more than 20 years, having won a full scholarship the day we got married. Yet I’m beginning to think that despite the weekly (oh, all right, daily) lectures from the Institute’s lead instructor, he’s not enjoying this enlightening experience. The diverse curriculum covers everything from diet and exercise to parenting and painting skills, yet he remains a completely uninspired student. Perhaps he doesn’t understand the science behind this educational endeavor. In a recent Parade Magazine cover story, “Why Marriage Is Good Medicine For Men,” author Gail Sheehy suggests that women improve their men’s lives, specifically their health and longevity, because “left to their own devices and vices, men are inattentive to physical symptoms.” Women typically act as “the health sentries” for men. Any woman who’s ever argued with her husband about the merits of convenience store nachos knows that men don’t typically troll the vegetable aisle on their own. But although I now feel totally vindicated in my quest to eliminate fried pork rinds from my man’s diet, the article also stated that a wife’s loving touch and regular sex are the most essential elements in determining a man’s emotional and physical health. Groan — as if I don’t have enough to do. It turns out that it’s not just being married that makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise, it’s being happily married. And for men, happy means lots of caresses, unconditional support and plenty of time in the sack. “When all is said and done,” says Sheehy, “a solid marriage with regular enthusiastic sex can be the best preventative medicine of all.” In fact, a decade-long study at Queen’s University in Belfast about the mortality of middle-aged men revealed that men who had sex three or more times a week had a 50 percent reduced risk of heart attack or stroke. So technically speaking, whenever your husband says, “I’ll die if I don’t have more sex,” he’s actually right. I’m surprised that every man in America doesn’t have this study encoded in his e-mail signature. Like it or not, the science is clear: Men benefit in numerous ways from the loving attention of a wife. Blogger and gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer (www.hugoboy.typepad.com) goes so far as to say, “Marriage, done right, strips away a man’s selfishness and self-absorption like nothing else.” That may be true, but here’s where the country music part comes in. A man may love being inspired by a woman, but he doesn’t want the rules enforced by one. As country crooner Keith Urban sings, “When you put your arms around me, you let me know there’s nothing I can’t do,” The operative word here being “I.” He didn’t say, “There’s nothing you can’t make me do.” There’s a fine line between nudging and nagging. The longer you’ve married and the busier you are, the easier it is for a wife to cross it. But the singers and the scientists concur: Behind every healthy successful man is a good woman holding him up. Now if only I had the energy and patience to become one. Copyright © 2006 by Lisa Earle McLeod. All Rights reserved. Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” She has been seen on “Good Morning America” and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times. Contact her at www.ForgetPerfect.com. EDITOR:
|
