Shameful money secrets of the middle classBy Lisa Earle McLeod Have you ever been in a panic about money? You know, that awful feeling where you lay awake at night calculating up exactly how much money you have vs. how much money you owe. I’ve had my share of money worries, thanks to being self employed and having a husband who is starting his own business. Fortunately I’ve always been able to feed my kids, but I do know what it’s like to race a check to the bank. I grew up in a household where money was tight. There were four kids and my parents were always fighting about finances. Getting my mom to spring for a pair of name brand jeans felt like asking her to write a check for a Ferrari. When I was in college, I remember counting out my waitressing tips in change trying to scrounge up enough to pay my share of the light bill. And during our first year of marriage, a big mortgage and hefty student loans left my husband and me so strapped for cash that near the end of the month, we would play the “Pantry Game.” We tried to see how long we could stretch the food in our pantry without having to go to the grocery store. It1s amazing what you can make with a box of elbow macaroni, a can of cream of chicken soup and some beef jerky. But when you’re young and poor it often has an aspirational quality about it. It feels like a temporary situation, and in many cases - like college or a big house payment - you choose to put yourself there. However as you get older, worrying about money feels more desperate and at times downright humiliating. Studies show that people are actually happier making $50,000 a year when all their neighbors are making $40,000 than they are making $80,000 when all their neighbors are making $100,000. Keeping up with the Jones’ is always an issue for us competitive humans, but I think it runs deeper than that. There’s a certain shame associated with a lack of money, especially for men. Our social structure suggests that if you have a brain and you work hard you’re supposed to have money. So if you don’t, it must mean there’s something wrong with you. People will tell you that net worth isn’t supposed to equal self-worth, but the people who can say that with a smile on their face are usually the ones with a nice 401K. Money, or lack of it, is one of those dirty little secrets we don1t like to talk about. People would rather walk down the street naked than open up their checkbook for all the world to see. But if you’ve ever been in a bad financial situation yourself, you have more empathy for the guy who loses his job and is so embarrassed he fakes going to work every day. The truth is, money is merely a tool to help you live your life. We humans invented it and we attach the value to it. While worrying about how to feed your kids is very real, most of our embarrassment and shame over finances is entirely self-inflicted. Or rather, it’s inflicted by the society we helped create. But that’s the funny thing about money. When you’ve got it, it gives you a sense of security and superiority. It makes you feel like you1re somehow different from poor people due to your brains, talent and savvy financial planning. However when you’re facing economic uncertainty yourself, you look at that guy living in his car and know that you’re but one catastrophe away from joining him. Copyright © 2006 by Lisa Earle McLeod. All Rights reserved. Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” She has been seen on “Good Morning America” and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times. Contact her at www.ForgetPerfect.com. EDITOR:
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