Smile, You're on Carnal CameraBy Lisa Earle McLeodwww.forgetperfect.com What would cameras in your bedroom reveal about you? That, yes, your husband is in fact hounding you for sex 24/7? Or that your wife truly does reject even the slightest caress? That's what real-life couples on HBO's new series "The Sex Inspectors" were shocked to discover when cameras peeked behind their bedroom doors. After two seasons in the UK, "The Sex Inspectors," a 60-minute show featuring Atlanta-based sex columnist Michael Alvear and British relationship expert Tracey Cox, is now airing on the late-night telly. The show profiles one couple per episode, and the goal is to improve their sex life. So, yes, you do get to hear all about how she's embarrassed to be seen naked and he farts in bed. But it's much more than that. Using the power of the camera, "The Sex Inspectors" bridges the chasm between perception and reality in a way that no therapist ever could. Alvear and Cox provide plenty of spicy bedroom tips and techniques. But the most fascinating scenes reveal the huge disparity between the way people think they're acting versus what they're really doing. Alvear claims, "After two seasons I realize the greatest thing that could ever happen is for people to see who they really are - not just in bed, but out of bed, trying to get into bed." One of the biggest disconnects on the show is the difference between the way men think they re putting the moves on their wives and the way it plays out on camera. "I heard husband after husband describe the gentle way they seduced their wives, only to watch their tapes and see the very same men literally hound their wives day and night for sex," says Alvear. One man who was captured on film aggressively rubbing up against his wife every time he passed her in the hall was so mortified by his crude behavior that he apologized to her on the spot. He was shocked that what he perceived as fun flirting came across as sexual stalking. "Once he realized he was harassing rather than seducing, we were able to teach him a more successful approach," says Alvear. If you're like me and the other woman I've polled, you probably think every man in America should watch this show. But before you sign your own husband up with "The Sex Inspectors," let me tell you what the wives saw. Women who thought they were sweetly telling their husbands, "Not tonight, honey," were horrified to see themselves abruptly turning their backs, shrugging off hugs and freezing at the slightest touch. Alvear describes the most moving moment of the entire season, when one woman saw how she physically repelled her husband every time he put his arm around her. "We had to stop the cameras as she broke down in tears saying, 'I can't believe how cruel I am to the man I love,'" says Alvear. Excuse me while I retract my application for next season's show. But I am trying to talk my husband into a one-on-one with Alvear. He's one part straight-talking Dr. Phil ("And how's that working for ya, sport?"), two parts Dr. Ruth-style sexual specialist ("A little to the left, dearie.") and a heapin' helping of the biting wit of Carson Kressley from "Queer Eye" ("Good gawd - put a bow on that thing"). Alvear's wit aside, the show's most riveting footage depicts the couples themselves. Their utter disbelief at their own behavior makes you wonder what cameras might disclose about your relationship. Seeing yourself on tape is probably a lot like catching yourself in a photo. You immediately wonder, "Who is that fat woman and why is she wearing those awful clothes?" There's often a stark difference between the way we see ourselves and what we display to others. While it may be startling to see your flab in photos, your XXL shirt probably gave you a clue that you're a tad plump. However, I suspect we're more completely removed from reality with sex than any other area. How many of us can say that what's in our heart and minds matches what we do with our bodies? And is there a married couple alive who are truly in tune with each other's deepest desires? When I first wrote about "The Sex Inspectors" last year, I wondered if America was ready for such frank talk about sex. Apparently HBO thinks we are. Whether it's because sex sells or there are a bunch of lonely frustrated married people buying new programming, I don't care. I'm blatantly plugging this show because I think it's a godsend to every couple in America. Let's just hope we can learn a thing or two about relating between the sheets before a film crew shows up in our own boudoir. Snellville resident Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of "Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You've Already Got and the YOU You Already Are." She has been seen on "Good Morning America" and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times.
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