Wine, roses, mittens--It must be loveBy Lisa Earle McLeodwww.forgetperfect.com Of all the stupid products designed to henpeck men, I have just discovered the worst: The Smitten, a hideous gift now being marketed for Valentine’s Day. The Smitten set consists of a left mitten, a right mitten and a mitten for two. According to the ad, the heart-shaped mitten with two cuffs allows "you and your honey to hold hands tenderly and warmly while braving the outdoors." Pass me a barf bag. A fluffy red mitten for two? I wouldn’t want to be seen in public with the man who would wear this. You might as well put him on a pink sparkly leash and be done with it. What I want to know is, what happens if you trip while your hands are stuck inside this thing? Guess the googly-eyed Romeo who willingly attaches himself to you under a red heart of "warm plush polar fleece" isn’t too worried about having his hands free in the event of an emergency. Even the guy in the ad (www.smitten.com <http://www.smitten.com>) looks embarrassed to be wearing it. February is the month of love, and if ever there is a time when the differing male/female versions of romance collide, it’s on Valentine’s Day. Women think the gift giving is supposed to last all month - or at the very least consist of multiple carefully chosen items on the big day. Men, on the other hand, often don’t remember the holiday until they’re on their way home from work on the 14th. The Gas ’N Go may offer a lovely display of Whitman’s Samplers, but we women know that if the guy really loves you he starts composing his sonnet right after Christmas. The lengths we’ll go to turn a macho man into simpering sap are just amazing. We all know the drill: We’re attracted to men and then after they commit to us, we try to make them act like women. Whether it was his strong silent demeanor or his slightly unkempt rugged looks, whatever first drew us in usually is the first thing we try to change once our blinding hormones wear off. Yet if you could actually change a man, a job women at which braver than you have tried and failed, I doubt you would be happy with the result. Relationship expert Lisa Daily, the author of "Stop Getting Dumped" (Plume, 2002), says, "Men need to be men, and bless them for that. The very same brain cells that prevent him from wearing matching sweatshirts are also the ones that cause him to give you his coat when it gets chilly outside, or kill the really big, nasty bug in your kitchen. These are good brain cells." Testosterone may be great for growing back hair, but it’s not going to make a man start dotting his I’s with little hearts. The reality is that if a guy grew you a room full of roses, called you every hour and smothered you with cutesy stuffed animals, you probably wouldn’t find him very interesting. Men are programmed to do the wooing, but it works best when they get to choose their tools. Instead of trying to make a man conform to your ideas of romance, give him some room to create his own. Turned-down pages in a catalog left strategically placed on the back of the commode don’t make anybody feel dreamy. The guy who writes his own poetry may make your heart swoon, but a man who buys you convenience store chocolate while he’s gassing up your car is a prince worth keeping. If you’re a man reading this, you’re probably relieved to hear somebody suggest that women need to go easy on the expectations. But before you pick up the remote, let me share with you this universal truth: romancing a woman is not a one-time event. Disregard this information and the person you cheat the most is you. Spontaneous flowers, sappy words on a card written by a gay guy at Hallmark and a baby sitter she didn’t have to arrange for will get you more brownie points with your wife than a $150 dinner did while you were dating. A woman who feels loved is a beautiful thing to see. And a man who’s smart enough to put forth a little effort gets to look at one every day. The dance between the sexes requires delicate balance. Each partner plays a different and equally important part. I’ll be writing more about love in the coming weeks, but for now just remember: Smothering a man in a Smitten may keep your hands warm on a walk. But the guy who insists on choosing his own gloves is the one who will really make your palms sweat. Lisa Earle McLeod is a syndicated columnist, a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect™: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You’ve Already Got and the YOU You Already Are.” (Penguin/Putnam) She has been featured in Real Simple, Essence, and The New York Times and seen on Good Morning America, Lifetime and FOX. Contact Lisa at www.ForgetPerfect.com. Editors: If you’d like to run Forget Perfect™ in your paper contact Lisa@ForgetPerfect.com. Column must include byline and photo.  For release 01/28/05 (ATTENTION EDITORS: This Forget Perfect™ column is for release Jan. 28 and is STRICTLY EMBARGOED until that date.) |
