Don't you just love it when your big, strong man helps you out?
Doing special little favors like cooking meals for the family, cleaning up after the dog, and baby sitting HIS OWN CHILDREN! (Insert rolling eyes here.)
Why is it that when a man does something around the house, he sees it as "helping" his wife and believes he needs to be thanked for his efforts? This happens in spite of the fact that on the previous 997 occasions, his wife washed the clothes or fed the kids with nary a peep of gratitude from anyone, let alone him.
I know there are plenty of exceptions. My own dear husband is a true co-parent who does not consider watching his own flesh and blood a charitable action on my behalf. But if the two of us spend the day cleaning out the basement, I'm supposed to thank God on bended knee that my man "helped me out."
The nice part of my brain knows that praising a man for his efforts makes him feel wonderful and will motivate him to do even more.
But sometimes my evil twin wants to scream, "Why should I have to bat my eyes and say 'Thank you, you big ole' hunk o' man' every time you get off the couch?! If anybody should be thanked it's me - for my uncanny ability to recognize what needs to be done."
Professor Jay Belsky of the Institute for the Study of Children, Families and Social Issues at Birbeck University of London has discovered one of the big reasons why men and women have such different attitudes about household work.
Belsky's research revealed that while men typically measure their contributions around the house against what their fathers did, a woman measures her husband's efforts against what she is doing.
In his book "The Transition to Parenthood: How a First Child Changes a Marriage" (Delacourt), Belsky explains that a man doing 30 percent of the household chores whose father only did 10 percent feels like he's doing 300 percent, because he's doing three times more than his dad ever did.
But his wife, who's doing the other 70 percent, thinks he's not even making a half-hearted effort, because his 30 percent is still less than half of what she's doing.
And if she has to nag him to get it done and shower him with flower petals when he's finished, she knocks off even more percentage points.
My husband takes a less scientific approach. In choosing to speak for his entire gender he explains why men always expect their wife to say thank you, even if the job the man did is something that benefits the entire family, himself included. He says, "The woman is the queen of the house, it's her kingdom. And when I do favors for the queen there should be restitution."
If scrubbing the toilet qualifies a man for knighthood, then cleaning up the cat pee must make him feel like he deserves the crown jewels. If you've been married a while, you probably also know there are few other little gems most men consider more than adequate compensation for their heroic efforts around the house.
A woman might not make the connection between her man painting the bedroom and then getting to spend more time in it, but a guy sure does.
The good news is, it doesn't take much to make a man feel appreciated. The bad news is, most women resent the heck out of doing it. If your husband cleans out the pantry while you're getting your nails done, it's easy to be gracious. But when he pitches in and simply matches your efforts, it's hard to understand why you owe him one.
Women often feel the bar is set at 100 for women, while the male bar is 0, and any deviation off those preset marks is something she should be grateful for.
But I suspect for all the annoyed women, there's a pack of equally frustrated men who are trying their best and are completely baffled about why, instead of "thank you," their wives respond with, "Don't expect any medals from me."
If you're a guy, there's a simple solution to this problem: Do more without being asked, and when you're done, tell her the difficulty of the task really made you appreciate how much work she puts in for your family.
And if you're a woman, your solution is even easier: say thank you. You've probably faked other stuff in your life before, so faking gratitude shouldn't be too big of a leap for you. And who knows? Sometimes you start off faking it, but after doing it for a while, your feelings become real.
Snellville resident Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of "Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You've Already Got and the YOU You Already Are." She has been seen on "Good Morning America" and featured in Lifetime, Glamour and The New York Times.
Contact Lisa at www.ForgetPerfect.com if you would like additional columns.
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